To my watchers/friends/etc...

Within the next month I may move... Meaning I may not have Internet for a bit...

I'm about to Graduate. June first, actually, is when I graduate...
My mother is moving to Louisiana to be with my younger sister. I'm happy that she is! Don't get me wrong...
But I may go with her... not because I want to. But because if she goes down there, certain people in my family will basically start to... oppress her, so to speak. They'll call her and tell her she's a bad mom for leaving me behind right after I graduate.
Which, in my opinion, I'd MUCH prefer her to go be with Sarah. I've had her long enough... Sarah needs a mother. I'll be eighteen years of as of May 25th.
I'm a big girl!
But my mother, the way she works is that, well, I guess the easiest way to put it is, that I'm the only stable thing she's ever had and if she leaves me, she feels like she's somehow failing me or betraying me. And she'll come back to Ohio...
And I WANT her to stay with my younger sister. She needs a mom right now. She's already 15 years old and has spend nearly ten years only seeing her on holidays and during the summer. And Sarah misses her a lot. And my mom misses Sarah. She gets depressed thinking about how she's failed Sarah as her mother.
So I'm encouraging her moving down there.


But also want to help my mom.... and that would mean going with her, even if it meant going to a place I no longer have friends at... and leaving my good friends here in Ohio...
Derek says he'll come with me, which makes me happy, but at the same time, i don't want to ruin his plans of trying to go to college up here....
I don't want Derek to have to sacrifice his future for me.
Do I want us to part ways?? HELL NO!!
He's the only sane thing in my life. He's the only one who makes sense in my life.
And I'm also willing to stay up here with him...
AND I MAY HAVE FINALLY FOUND A COLLEGE UP HERE IN OHIO!! But my mom insists I could just as easily find a college down in Louisiana... which, I suppose is true.... but.
there are so many things that hold me to Ohio... even though I wasn't born here....

I don't know what I'm doing with my life right now. I have so much going on!!!

My mom also recently discovered my step dad is back on drugs....
Only thing I can say is.... "told ya so."
She doesn't know what to think about him right now... She's just trying not to start any arguments yet....
I think we're both due for a good cry.... or something.... Maybe a vacation!! XD XD



Okay, this has become too long.
Sorry!! I have this bad tendency to trail off and start over explaining things....

I'm sorry! I just feel like you guys deserve an explanation....



I love you guys!! Take care!!

Ill try to keep things updated.....